Me

these are my thoughts, ideas and dreams…

Florida: Great Friends, Food, Music, Movies, and Laughter October 28, 2008

Filed under: inspirational, life, music — kayceelynn @ 9:21 am
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As you may or may not know, I have recently spent a few weeks in Florida.  I appologize to those I did not make contact with while I was there.  I just really needed some “me” time.  It was all I dreamed it would be and more.  The beach was so perfect.  The sand so white and soft.  The water blue green and clear; it felt so wonderful against my skin.  It was the first time I’d been swimming outside two or three years!!  That’s what Alaska does for you.  The sun was so warm, hot actually; I love feeling it hot and burning on my skin.  I love actually feeling myself tanning.  I imagine that I’m this delicious juicy turkey roasting in the oven.  Okay, that was weird, but it’s true, kind of.  I love shopping at the outlets in my tank top, shorts and flip flops – IN OCTOBER!!!!  You southerners take it for granted.  You shouldn’t. 

I had a wonderful time with wonderful friends.  I have such great true friends and I am so grateful for each one of you.  I loved waking up to the sun shining in, having coffee on the porch, listening to great music, laughing, loving, sharing life and just being alive.   I had so many wonderful experiences that I will treasure for ever.  My mom and dad came to see me and that was so amazing.  It has been at least seven years since it’s been just me, my mom and my dad!  It’s always been me, cory and the kids.  It was so wonderful to get to spend time with just them.  The worse part of their visit was watching LSU get smoked by the Gators.  But, if we’re going to lose to some one, the Gators are a decent team to lose to.  We shopped and ate and walked the pier and on the beach, right where Gabby got married… tear.  It was a great experience and bonding moment for us.  And when we left to go our separate ways, it was just the same as when I lived in Florida, sad.  I wanted to cry and I know they did, too.  Why are good byes so hard?  I know I’m going to see them again, so why was it so hard to let go of their embraces?

On my way home, landing in Anchorage, we flew over two moose grazing through patches of snow at the end of the runway.  It was a reminder of what I was coming back to.  It’s not that Alaska is so bad, I’m just a humidity lovin’ southern girl.  I love it!  I love the mosquitos and the fire ants and the lizards and the snakes and the roaches.  I love the river and the ocean.  I love airconditioning!!  I love the unbreathable heat that hits you like a ton of bricks when you go to get in your car in August.  I miss summer nights, sitting on the swing or lying in the hammock and watching the stars – IN SHORTS AND A TANK TOP!!  I miss drinking coffee because I love the taste of it not because I’m cold and need something to warm me up.  I miss thinking 60 degrees is cold.  I miss it.  I miss it so much that I cried the first four days that I was back.  The only reason I haven’t cried in the past three days, is I haven’t let myself go there in my mind.  My flights were so back to back I was boarding as I soon as I got off the previous flight.  I had no time to change.  When I landed in Fairbanks, where it was 15 degrees, wearing long sleeves and flip flops, we had to exit the plane on the tarmat.  Welcome to Alaska!! 

I missed my kids like crazy!  They missed me a lot, as well.  Canaan still tells me how much he missed me when I was gone.  That was really hard, but my vacation was much needed.  I have no regrets about leaving my kids for two weeks.  They survived being alone with their father and he survived being alone with them.  It made us stronger.  It made me realize how much I do love my kids and want them to be happy and healthy.  They are so wonderful!  I am the luckiest mom in the world.  I love you, my darlings!  Grow strong and grounded in the faith of God’s Love. 

“If You Ain’t Got Love” – Mason Jennings cover

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wUknk8X2v8

 

Florida October 13, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — kayceelynn @ 7:25 am

i have spent the past 6 days in beautiful sunny florida.  it has been so wonderful to come back to place that i became an adult.  i love it here.  this is where my heart is.  i belong here.  i haven’t yet done all the things that i want to do yet, but i’ll get to them.  or not.  i have spent time alone with god, my parents and friends.  more friends are in my future.  the beach was so beautiful a few days ago.  it was warm, no waves, the water was so clear and perfect.  i’m headed out again today with some friends.  the sun is out and it’s going to be a great day!

 

“-butterfly, you messed me up, made my heart double beat and…”

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZSHt3SF8V8

 

You’ve Got Mail October 2, 2008

Filed under: inspirational, life — kayceelynn @ 11:22 pm
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i love this movie.  it is probably my favorite romantic comedy, EVER.  it reminds me of a more simple time in my life when my days consisted of me getting up, me going to work, me going to the gym, me going home to my dorm room, me eating dinner, me taking a shower, me watching a movie and me going to bed only to wake up and do it all over again.  aahhh yes, long gone are the days of ME.  still, i remember them so clearly.  i also remember wanting more; wanting what i have now.  only, what i have now isn’t the way i imagined or dreamed it would be.  in fact, it’s exactly the opposite of what i thought it would be.  life is hard sometimes.  i struggle with what others are going to think about me (mainly “church folk” “religious farts” and people who don’t know me at all) (sometimes), with consequences of my actions, with my faith, with anger and unforgiveness and bitterness, with resentment, with emotional scars that haven’t been given time to heal before being re-opened, with feeling invisible, with my “purpose”…  i do not struggle with believing that God sees me, knows my name, created me for a reason, hears my cries, loves me, holds me in the palm of his hand, that i am the apple of his eye, that above all:  HE KNOWS WHO I AM.  it’s the only thing that keeps me going, keeps a smile on my face, a song in my heart, a dance in my step, the heart in my chest beating, keeps love for others in my heart.  i know that i know that i know, beyond any reasoning, that he sees ME.  i just know it.  this counters all of my doubts.  now, if i could just remember it all of the time!!  good night dear friends.  thanks for listening…